How Anger Problems Can Ruin Relationships
It is an indisputable fact that we derive much of our happiness from our relationships. No matter how successful we get in our worldly pursuits, much of the satisfaction in our lives will still come from the relationships that we have with the people that are closest to us. It is almost an axiom in the modern world that money and fame will not make us happy. We witness the turbulent lives of celebrities and this almost invariably proves to be true. Instead, we know quite instinctively that true happiness depends on building good, loving relationships with people we care about.
Of course, things are often not as simple as that. While we all want to craft loving relationships, the fact remains that many of us are unable to. Many of us are able to make some form of progress, but somewhere along the way we falter in our efforts. Things happen, emotions get hurt, and irrationality arises. In the end, too many things simply get in our way, and we become stuck with relationships that do not fulfill us the way they should.
How Anger Ruins Relationships
Anger is one of the prime hindrances to loving relationships. It is also probably one of the most common problems plaguing relationships today. Anger serves both positive and negative functions in a relationship. It is important that we understand in which sense anger can be helpful or harmful to us and the people we care about.
All of us, no matter our age, race or occupation, are capable of anger. There are some situations in which anger is appropriate, such as when a friend or a partner does something totally inappropriate or disrespectful. This type of anger is a defense mechanism that tells the people close to us that they have to act in a certain manner in order for the relationship to persist and progress. It is usually a transitory form of anger, and recedes when the situation or act that caused it stops.
For instance, take the anger that comes from when a friend divulges one of our secrets. Getting angry at a friend who “blabs on you” is totally appropriate – your friend has betrayed your confidence and should not have done so. If you do not get angry in this situation, you are sending the signal that: 1) you do not care that your friend has betrayed you, and 2) it is perfectly alright to do the same thing in the future. This is obviously not a result that you like.
Of course, there are times when we can get angry inappropriately as well. For instance, we may ask the same friend to lend us an item, a book for example. Let’s say our friend refuses – should we be angry? Probably not.
In the first place, it was well in our friend’s rights to say “yes” or “no” depending on her personal inclinations. In such a small issue as this, getting angry can be counterproductive, and unravel years of amiable ties. This example may seem to be a bit frivolous, but one is always surprised at how many friendships die because of such small matters.
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