What Fuels Our Anger?

We can react in anger when we are stressed, threatened, or feel a sense of loss to our self, our body, our property, our self-esteem, to our values; or when we do not get our way.

Understanding what ignites our anger can help us to interpret the early signs of the emotion; so that we can assess whether or not it is appropriate for the situation. Understanding can allow us to judge better if the situation warrants a physical reaction or not. If we judge that the situation is a threat that will harm us in a physical or emotionally damaging way; then it is appropriate to run, or defend our self. If we decide that the situation is merely an irritant than we can chose to ignore it, or respond in a non-confrontational manner.

Sometimes the emotion anger can be a complicated fella to figure out. There may be times when you find yourself getting angry and you are not sure why? The emotion “anger” can have dynamics to it that are triggered by other emotions, events or memories. Sometimes we get angry because our coping mechanisms are low; perhaps due to a lack of sleep, being overly stressed, in a hurry, or when we are ill. There may even be occasions when we may are angry for the wrong reasons. We may even be reacting to something we see in others that we recognize in ourselves and it bothers us enough to stir up anger. There may even be times when we are acting out in anger over a past hurt, event or a unresolved situation.

Anger can also be a defense mechanism for people who have difficulties dealing with certain situations. For instance people who get angry frequently may do so because they:

1.Feel that they are always right and get angry when anyone questions their decisions or motives

2.Fear being wrong

3.Need to control others and to control situations

4.Are not able to admit when they do not know something or cannot admit when they are wrong

5.Have a deep desire for approval from others

6.Fear of being seen as being weak, or not in control

7.Usually cannot express feelings

8.Very uncomfortable about having “bad feelings”

When a situation, or event occurs that makes us feel uncomfortable we may experience the following sequence: a progression of anger that starts with a simmering irritation, then it turns into a real frustration, that left unchecked can turn into a flicker of anger, which if unmanaged becomes rage and aggression. When we learn to manage our anger and use it constructively we are able to recognize these stages and can take constructive action to react appropriately at one of the earlier stages of irritation or frustration before it builds to anger, rage and aggression. This is where it helps to understand what fuels our anger and when anger is an appropriate response to a situation and when it is not. Life is full of what fuels our anger. It is how we respond to the fuel that determines the outcome.

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