Why Men Never Get Rid Of Stuff
What is it about men and the stuff they never get rid of? Truly, if the only difference between men and boys is the cost of their toys perhaps a subset of that little saying should be that another difference between men and boys is the amount of stuff that men accumulate right from the time they were boys. Truly, the things they refuse to get rid of can boggle the mind.
As an example, think about a man out there who’s still running around with a ski helmet he bought prior to his one and only ski trip during his freshman year of college. Chances are good that it’ll be occupying a place of pride in a basement rec room or on a fireplace mantel, maybe gathering dust and maybe not. The helmet went out of style when Jimmy Carter did, but what man would care about that?
Most likely, the helmet will turn up in a museum collection on some off-world planet after we finally figure out that hyperdrive or warp drive thingy that all the science fiction movies tell us is just around the corner. It’ll probably be just as dusty and unused then as it is today and as it was over 30 years ago, but it’s a way for man to connect with his past, most would say.
Yet another example of a man and his stuff and why he never gets rid of it is a black sport watch, which is probably packed full of memories. Unfortunately, that sport watch was broken for good during a beer blast after celebrating the Toronto Blue Jays and their World Series win in 1992. The memories of that blast, though, require that the watch remain, if only to keep sending out those good vibrations.
Generally speaking, women understand men far better than they themselves do when it comes to this sort of pack rat behavior. They get that men have a gene that prevents them from throwing away even the most obscure and unlamented object and don’t even try to get most guys to get rid of those Buster Brown shoes from the early 60s. Indeed, the shoes are here to stay even after the women have given up in disgust and left.
Other memories that men like to access are of events like long ago days spent playing sandlot baseball. That has to be the reason for why that cracked and moldy black helmet — which never was very good at protecting a delicate head from a very hard-thrown baseball — is still sitting in his basement. Certainly, his head can’t even come close to fitting in it, but the helmet also isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
This is why men tend to make the best museum curators and cultural historians. They look back at history and see nothing but an unbroken line of men, all collecting stuff. Even the pharaohs collected stuff to the ultimate degree and actually tried to take it all with them, including their living servants. Perhaps at some point in the future, an archaeologist will find a watch, a helmet and something to do with snow and scratch her head about what it all means, though any man would be able to explain it all.
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